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George Bush isn't as stupid as you think
5 reasons
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His "Down-Home" Country Roots
Why He Appears Mentally Disabled
Famously, Bush has cleared more brush than, well, a guy who's cleared a lot
of brush. It's his hobby—moving sticks around like a real live cowboy. Go
figure.
Why He's Actually a Genius
He made America forget that he's actually from the North. The cowboy
president was, in fact, born in Connecticut and attended high school at the
prestigious Phillips Academy in Andover, Mass. He moved on to college at Yale
in New Haven, Conn. and then graduate school at Harvard in Cambridge, Mass.,
all the while spending summers at his family's estate in Kennebunkport, Maine.
The Pudding (Where The Proof Is)
All you other retaaaaads from New England haven't been able to drop that
accent. Not only did Bush avoid it, he pulled a Southern one out of thin air
the same way Madonna started talking like Oliver Twist after living in England
for two months.
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His History of Drug Use
 Why He Appears Mentally Disabled
Bush has been arrested for a DWI, and has allegedly used cocaine like William Howard Taft used bacon.
Why He's Actually a Genius
If you were a middle-aged man and your boss found out that you'd gotten
a DWI and done coke, you'd get fired in hurry, even if you worked at
McDonald's. Not to mention that your wife would probably divorce you,
your kids would probably stop speaking to you and your friends would
“accidentally” lose your phone number (dicks). Not Bush. His
perpetually smiling wife stood by him, his whorish children adore him
and he's the leader of the friggin' free world.
The Pudding (Where The Proof Is)
Bill Clinton—a supposedly intelligent President—got a lot more guff for
allegations of marijuana use. Bush, on the other hand, rode the white
pony (of not commenting) all the way to the Oval Office with no major
yayo-related objections.
His Functional Retardation at Press Conferences
Why He Appears Mentally Disabled
News flash: the man can't string a complete sentence together.
Why He's Actually a Genius
The President has contributed more new words to the English language
than anyone since Shakespeare. How many words did, say, Jimmy Carter
invent? Zero (although the sharp rise in popularity of the phrase “what
a pussy” coincided exactly with his presidency). Shakespeare invented
words like “braggartism” that—let's face it—don't exactly get used a
lot. Bush, on the other hand, invented the word “misunderestimate,”
which is used daily by douchey office jockeys coast to coast. And who's
to say it's not a real word? “Braggartism” wasn't a word either, until
someone of exceptional intelligence said it was.
The Pudding (Where The Proof Is)
A highly advanced Internet search machine known as a “Google” reveals
74,000 results for Bush's “misunderestimate,” compared with only 2,400
for Shakespeare's “braggartism.” Who's a better word-inventor-guy now?
His Lack of Smoothness With The Ladies
 Why He Appears Mentally Disabled
From his awkward groping of German Chancellor Angela Merkel to his
bizarre, sexually charged relationship with Condoleezza Rice, Bush is
criminally awkward around women.
Why He's Actually a Genius
He convinced First Lady Laura to marry him after a three-month
courtship—without the aid of an unplanned pregnancy. It takes most
fellows three months just to convince a dame to remove her pantaloons,
and Bush got the whole package (which, back in the late ‘70s, was a
pretty tasty one) after just 12 weeks—roughly the same amount of time
that cheese stays good in a refrigerator. Clearly, the man knows
something that you don't, and by that, yes, we mean something
sexy-smooth.
The Pudding (Where The Proof Is)
Sure, Dubya had the added advantage of being a member of a famous
family awash in cash, but you don't see Donald Trump's son (big virgin)
having any luck, even though he has a bigger arsenal of the same
weapons.
His Stance on the Economy
Why He Appears Mentally Disabled
The federal deficit has reached a new high because of the war in Iraq.
Why He's Actually a Genius
Not only has he hung onto his own money while losing that of American
taxpayers, he's held onto his own life while, however indirectly,
losing those of American taxpayers. America's in pretty rough shape,
but Dubya's still super-rich and super-alive. How's he so cunningly
self-sufficient? Well, he has an MBA from Harvard, a school he got into
and graduated from while his dad was still only Chief of the US Liaison
Office in China (whatever that is).
The Pudding (Where The Proof Is)
Bush's ownership stake in the Texas Rangers—originally purchased for
$800,000—brought him $15 million when the team was sold in 1998. That's
a 1,875 percent return on his investment, and more money than you will
ever see. (Unless you're Donald Trump Jr., in which case, we're very
sorry about the above comment.)
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