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50 things we wish girls knew
Created by
The Owners of Club 429
March 27, 2002
- We aren’t mind readers!
- We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your
girlfriends jealous.
- When you sleep over never boss me around in bed
unless it is during sex.
- Smoking is the biggest turn off.
- It never hurts to work out.
- If you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the
question.
- “Fine” or “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to
a conversation.
- If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn’t already know.)
- Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they
do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with
those scripts).
- Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you
see in fashion magazines.
-
No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of
the following outfits:
French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.
- You don’t need lingerie to look sexy before bed,
short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us.
- Girls look good naked so stop worrying.
- Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees
reciprocity.
- We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you
may enjoy, just let us know.
- Every so often no matter whether it is true or not
remind us that we have the biggest penis you’ve ever dealt with.
- If were not getting love we’ll start looking…(haha…just kidding…psych…I’m dead serious)
- The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch
herself.
- Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another
person.
- If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won’t
consider it cheating. Actually we
strongly promote this behavior.
- Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.
- You shouldn’t be flattered or grossed out if we get
an erection when dancing with you.
All we need is Friction.
- Porn…hmmm…Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would
just be wrong to ask us to stop.
- We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can’t explain it but it is just fact.
- Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn’t your parents teach you not to
quit.
- Giving head is never a bad idea.
- We are conservationists at heart,
water is our biggest love, so shower with us.
- There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top
of us. (2) Getting head. (3)
Some sort of breakfast.
- We don’t mind going to gay movies with you but don’t
tell our friends.
- You can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports
movies or “Old yeller.”
- “The game is
on” is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
- Any harsh contact with the testicles should be
assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.
- You’re probably not as funny as you think.
- Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one
more girl say “he’s so hot” he may have to die.
- Your period should be referred to as Blowjob
week. (Influenced by a Maxim
article)
- Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive
especially if she can use a grill.
- You can’t get mad if we refuse to hook up your “ugly
friend” with one of our friends.
- For every fart that slips out when you are around we
successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.
- If we want to take naked pictures of you it is
because we are proud and want to show you off to our friends.
- The red light means the video camera is off.
- A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks
whether you want to do it with the lights on or off.
- Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just
condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don’t
make your breath fresher.
- Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate
the remote control. (Unless
operating means handing it to us.)
- The only thing left to be said after sex is
“goodnight.”
- Video games have helped us develop such finger skills
that should only encourage us to play more often.
- Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing
our love making.
- Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be
castrated.
- If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least
entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
- The jeans don’t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.
- 99.5% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you.
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