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50 Things She Wishes You Knew
Universal truths that all men should but don't understand
Illustrations by: Juliette Borda, By:
Lisa Jones
- Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't
count.
- Real men drive stick shift.
- I will leave if you lie.
- You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).
- I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48
hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.
- I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
- "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
- Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.
- I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
- I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
- I expect you to call me.
- Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
- I'm scared of losing my independence.
- I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.
- Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes
also do the trick.
- You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)
- If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a. ...having a fat day. b. ...not
feeling "connected" to you. c. ...blackmailing you to get something I want.
- Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.
- I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.
- When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
- A
man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu
weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just
going to the movies.
- You look hot in hooded clothing items.
- You should never tell me what to do.
- If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
- My breasts love much licking and sucking.
- If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
- I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
- I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.
- When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.
- I want to be Madonna.
- Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your
fingers.
- I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.
- You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt
and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
- I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.
- Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.
- I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you and for you to
recognize this.
- If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....
- Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.
- I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know
yourself.
- Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns
major bonus points.
- I love it when you're sweaty.
- It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.
- A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
- I like porn.
- I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
- Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
- It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't
want me to see, hear, read...
- For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
- I remember everything about our relationship.
- You should know all this and more with-out my telling you.
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